hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
