Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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