my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
