Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
