Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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