she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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