I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
