Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
