At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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