I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your cock deserves a montage
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
