I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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