I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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