If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
