remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
