watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
