Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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