Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
