it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize