found the other keg... it's in the tree
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
