just tell him i said nine months
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
