What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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