I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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