I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
