new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she woke up with a sticky ear
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
