jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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