Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
