It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
