He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
