Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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