just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
