I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize