As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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