its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
