her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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