Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
