yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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