Pants 0. Shit 1.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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