My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you didnt know i had herpes?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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