I never want to see another naked old woman again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
