sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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