I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
