dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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