Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
