I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
