Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
