Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
