I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
