remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
