just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
