I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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