I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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