it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
