this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize