She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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