If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
