Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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