you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
