why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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