I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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