YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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