It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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