I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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