bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
