Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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