the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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