i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
