I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
