hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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