So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
